Yesterday morning, before Tom left, I was lying in bed while he was in the living room packing some last minute stuff.
“Hey, just so you know, you’re not allowed to get any prostitutes while you’re away.” I yelled.
I don’t really think Tom will ever do this, but I just kind of thought it was maybe one of those things you have to make clear just in case. That way, if the situation ever came up, he would immediately think, “Leah told me no.”
Then I thought about my comment for a second and I yelled, “You’re not allowed any free people either!”
He came into the bedroom laughing and said, “I don’t know what’s funnier. Your ‘free people’ comment or that you think I might actually pay for a prostitute. You know how cheap I am.”
“But what if there was a discount prostitute? I know you can’t resist a deal.”
He kissed me on the forehead and said, “I promise I won’t look for bargain prostitutes.”
And then he left the room.
“No free people either!”
“No free people, Leah.” he repeated.
And then, once again, I thought about it and said, “If someone wants to pay you, that’s maybe okay. But we should probably discuss it first. If she’s good looking she has to pay us millions.”
“Why does it matter what she looks like?” he called to me.
“Because if she’s hot, you might fall for her.”
“Leah, I don’t think I would fall for someone who was paying me for sex.”
“Have you never seen Indecent Proposal or Pretty Woman?! These things happen all the time. I’m just saying, if she’s pretty, then she has to pay you more because the stakes are higher. I think it’s only fair.”
“I see,” Tom said.
I lay there for a minute and then I yelled, “If it’s a dude, $500,000 is okay. I’m not worried about a guy stealing you away so he can pay less. But half a mil is the minimum.”
It was at this point that Tom stopped responding to me.
Because I miss him a ton already, I’m going to be cheesy as hell and post a few pictures of us at my parents’ house at Christmastime in 2015.
It’s a bit schmucky, I know.
Deal with it. = )
I’m off to go get a blood test done. I’ll be so darn happy when all this health crap is figured out.
Peace out, y’all.