My cough has been hanging around for over two weeks now and it’s been making me feel pretty darn crummy which is why I haven’t been blogging on a very regular basis.
I told Tom that I’m pretty sure I have pertussis, otherwise known as whooping cough. It’s been on an upswing since 2012. Tom told me I don’t have pertussis and that we’d know because the cough has a very distinctive sound.
I told him that because I’m American my accent might make it sound different and that he really should take me seriously. Especially because he’ll feel really bad when he’s thousands of miles away and I wind up in the hospital close to death from a cough that he trivialized.
Tom told me that the only thing I might have other than an ordinary bad cough is a case of the dramatics, otherwise known as pretendus, and that I’m not allowed to Google my symptoms anymore.
Besides not believing that I’m dying Tom did something else the other day which makes him the best boyfriend ever.
We always message through WhatsApp, despite my now having an NZ phone and us being able to text one another normally. I guess it’s just old habit from the two years of us using WhatsApp for international messaging and calls.
Anyway….the other morning I picked up my phone and saw I had a new audio message from Tom. I was pretty surprised by this since Tom was lying right next to me and had been all night. I wasn’t sure what exactly he needed to message me about.
I hit play on the audio message and it was a recording of snoring. LOUD snoring. I was confused for a second….to be fair it was pretty darn early in the morning. But then I looked over at Tom and he had this little smile on his face and I finally put two and two together and realized it was me snoring.
Tom teases me about my snoring…nicely, because he says it usually doesn’t bother him. But every once in a while he says I fall asleep before him and immediately go into crazy snore mode and he has a hard time falling asleep.
I hate that I snore. I like to think that I sleep like a lady.
That morning on my way to work, after I connected my phone to the car stereo, I played the WhatsApp message before listening to music.
In surround sound the snoring was pretty damn epic.
And Tom is 100% right. I do sound like the Predator.
At least the Pertussis curbs my snoring a bit.
So I guess there’s a silver lining in everything.
This is how I envision my death…next to cold coffee and nectarines and wadded up tissues that look like pretty little flowers.
Unfortunately, with Tom leaving, I think it’ll be a while before anyone misses me and goes looking for me so it probably wouldn’t be such a pretty scene.
Please say nice things at my funeral.