I am worried that I’m going to end up in jail for manslaughter and here’s why.
Let me give you some back story first.
Having recently procured a job I now have the pleasure of sitting in morning and evening traffic. Despite what people may think New Zealand is not all beautiful beaches and waterfalls and sheep and farmhouses….there is traffic. And in Auckland there’s a lot of it.
Anyway, here in Auckland motorcyclists are pretty darn cheeky (I can use that word because I speak the Queen’s English now). When cars are inching along in traffic, motorcyclists zip past down between the cars and they do so at what I consider to be an alarmingly high speed. I find it really startling and disconcerting when they whip past my peripheral vision where I expect nothing to be moving except the slowly rolling cars in the other lane.
It is not illegal for them to do that here. I don’t know if it was illegal or not in Texas but I’m going to take a guess and say it was illegal since back home I never saw as many people on motorcycles go shooting down between cars the way they do here.
There are soooo many of them and I don’t like it.
And I’ve now created a scenario in my head where this happens….
One day, in the summer, when I’m heading into working and wearing one of my signature long skirts, I will be on the motorway and suddenly realize that my skirt is stuck in the car door. Without even thinking about it, since I’m used to ALL operators of motor vehicles abiding by proper motorist etiquette, I will quickly open my car door to free the stuck skirt and unwittingly take out a passing motorcyclist. And because they will probably be driving at a breakneck speed, the sudden meeting of their bike with my car door will most likely end in tragedy.
I will never make it to work. I will be arrested for manslaughter.
Hopefully Kiwi prisons are nicer than ones in the US.
I have been thinking about this a lot in the mornings whenever motorcycles go whizzing past the car. I wonder if one can develop a phobia of committing manslaughter.
I’m sure it exists. There’s lots of weird phobias out there. I have not yet developed a phobia in life but I kinda feel like it’s a long time coming.
I almost developed a phobia the other day when I was listening to a podcast on my way to work and learned what taphophobia is. Taphophobia is the fear of being buried alive and it’s actually a very common phobia. So common in fact that the safety coffin is a surprisingly high-selling item.
So, I was listening to this podcast where the guy was talking about taphophobia, how it started (something to do with cholera epidemics), and people that it’s happened to. And I started thinking about how terrible it would be to be buried alive and how I don’t think I could do the Uma Thurman/Kill Bill thing because I’ve got really delicate hands and I thought THIS IS IT…I’VE FINALLY DEVELOPED A PHOBIA.
But then I remembered that I want to be cremated. Plus I don’t have that many enemies. So the chances of it actually happening are slim to none.
Unless I really, really piss Tom off.