I was on the laptop sending an e-mail to my visa application assessor and Tom was on his computer scrolling through Facebook when he said, “Did you write this?”
“Write what?” I asked, all serious because I didn’t notice the cheeky grin on his face.
I walked over to him and looked at the screen and read this…..
And all I could think was, WHO IS THIS SLUTTYWIDOW WHO IS INSIDE MY BRAIN?! Because seriously, that is pretty much what being in a relationship with me is like.
That and ignoring the noise pollution that is me singing Kenny Rogers or Bob Dylan songs at the top of my lungs in the shower.
Tom understands that this is his life now.
I’m just waiting for someone to pop out and say, “Ha ha! Joke’s on you!”
Does this sound far-fetched to you? Well, according to some people Australia doesn’t actually exist And since a ton of people think Australia and New Zealand are the same place, it goes to say maybe New Zealand doesn’t actually exist at all either.
Maybe I’m actually in Utah and this is all just a giant fake set like in that Jim Carey movie, The Truman Show.
I just asked Tom if I could check to make sure he’s not a robot but he just gave me a look like I’m REALLY weird which I think means he’s not letting me check to make sure there are no wires and cables under his skin any time soon.
P.S. If you’re curious about who the Sluttywidow is, don’t make the same mistake I made and Google “slutty widow” like it’s a description rather than a user name. The amount of porn links which popped up on the computer would have shocked someone with a less dirty mind than myself. I guess everyone mourns in different ways.