Today I had a three-year-old tell me that I have yellow teeth. It was awesome.
I spent my entire lunch break reading about homeopathic ways to whiten your teeth. Tom claims that my teeth are by no means yellow, but I still spent ten minutes gargling coconut oil while cooking potato soup and watching Jeopardy. It was hard watching Jeopardy with a mouthful of coconut oil because I’m used to either calling out answers or yelling loudly at the contestants about what nerds they are when they say they’re going to do something like buy a new sousaphone with their Jeopardy winnings.
According to my loving boyfriend this is the epitome of the pot calling the kettle black. Says the man who was killing aliens at his computer while I cooked dinner.
Anyway, the coconut oil definitely put a damper on my enjoyment of Jeopardy. And Tom says there is no way I will gargle with coconut oil every night because it means I won’t be able to talk for fifteen minutes every evening. To be fair, he’s probably right. I do enjoy talking.
That three-year-old kid is making my life hard.
In the afternoon I wished one of my co-workers a happy birthday and asked her how old she was. I only asked this because I was relatively certain she was young enough not to care about being asked. She said, “I’m old….I’m twenty-nine.”
I waved my hand dismissively and said, “That’s not old, darling. I’m thirty-seven. And I don’t think thirty-seven is old, so you’re definitely not old.”
She stared at me and said, “Really? You’re thirty-seven? You don’t look thirty-seven!”
I was starting to feel better about that whole yellow teeth debacle until she kept going on, “I mean, thirty-seven, wow! You’re almost forty. I mean, wow! Thirty-seven. Jeez!”
You would have thought it was the middle ages or something and that I was really beating the odds by still even being alive.
I am going to be asking Tom, “Am I pretty?” for days and days now.
I forgot how brutal children can be.
I took this picture several weeks ago but I wanted to post it because 1) I’m supposed to put an image with every blog post and 2) the cherry trees are blooming everywhere here which excites me because spring is coming and that means that maybe the eternal dampness that is NZ will go away for a few months. I wanted to share my excitement. Plus, the picture just kinda rocks.
I’m off to do mirror affirmations now and formulate a plan as to how to steer clear of that three-year-old bully tomorrow. I don’t have much time in my evenings for anymore homeopathic beauty remedies.
Stay beautiful, y’all.